Autism and everyday life

Find information and advice about living as an autistic person or caring for an autistic child.

How to help your autistic child with day-to-day life

How to help your child communicate

Do

• use your child's name so they know you're speaking to them

• keep language simple and clear

• speak slowly and clearly

• use simple gestures, eye contact and pictures or symbols to support what you're saying

• allow extra time for your child to understand what you have said

• ask your autism assessment team if you can get help from a speech and language therapist (SLT)

Don’t

• try not to ask your child lots of questions

• try not to have a conversation in a noisy or crowded place

• try not to say things that could have more than 1 meaning, such as "pull your socks up" or "break a leg"

Dealing with anxiety

Anxiety affects a lot of autistic children and adults. It can be caused by not being able to make sense of things going on around them, and feeling misunderstood or unaccepted by people who are not autistic.

Try to find out why your child's feeling anxious.

It might be because of:

• a change in routine – it might help to prepare your child for any change, such as a change of class at school
• difficulty identifying, understanding or managing their feelings
• a noisy or brightly coloured place – it might help to take your child to a calmer place, such as another room

If your child is often anxious, ask your GP about therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which may help.

Helping with your child's behaviour

Some autistic children have behaviours such as:

• stimming – a kind of repetitive behaviour (such as flapping their hands or flicking their fingers)
• meltdowns – a complete loss of control caused by being totally overwhelmed

If your child has these behaviours, read our advice about how to help your child's behaviour.

Eating difficulties

Many children are "fussy eaters".

Autistic children may:

• only want to eat foods of a certain colour or texture
• not eat enough or eat too much
• eat things which are not food (called pica)
• have problems with coughing or choking while eating
• be constipated, so they feel full even when they have not eaten much food

It may help to keep a food diary, including what, where and when your child eats. This can help you notice any common issues your child has.

Speak to a GP or your autism team about any problems your child's having with eating.

Problems sleeping

Many autistic children find it hard to get to sleep, or wake up several times during the night.

This may be because of:

• anxiety
• sensitivity to the light from smartphones or tablets
• problems with the sleep hormone melatonin
• issues such as hyperactivity or a health condition that affects sleep

You can help your child by:

• keeping a sleep diary of how your child sleeps to help you notice any common issues
• following the same bedtime routine
• making sure their bedroom is dark and quiet
• letting them wear ear plugs if it helps
• talking to a GP about how to manage health conditions that make sleep difficult, such as a food sensitivity or breathing problem

If these tips do not help, talk to your autism team about creating a sleep plan to help your child's sleep behaviour.

If your child's sleep does not get better, a GP might refer you to a paediatrician or child psychiatrist with experience of autism who can prescribe a medicine called melatonin to help your child sleep.

Staying healthy

It's important that your child has regular check-ups with the:

• dentist
• optician
• doctors treating any other conditions your child has

Children over 14 who also have a learning disability are entitled to an annual health check.

Do not be afraid to let staff know what they can do to make it easier to go for check-ups.

Friendships and socialising

Some autistic children find it hard to make friends.

There are some things you can do to help:

Do

• get ideas from other parents on autism forums and local support groups

• ask your child's school if they can help

• ask your autism team how to help your child communicate and socialise

Don’t

• do not put pressure on your child – learning social skills takes time

• do not force your child into social situations if they're OK being on their own

How to help with your autistic child's behaviour

Common types of behaviour in autistic children

Some autistic children may behave in ways that put a lot of strain on you and your family.

Some common autistic behaviours are:

• stimming (short for 'self-stimulating behaviour'), a kind of repetitive behaviour
• meltdowns, a complete loss of control over behaviour

You may hear health professionals call some behaviours "challenging".

Some autistic children can also be physically or verbally aggressive. Their behaviour can be harmful to themselves or other people.

But remember, all autistic children are different and not every day will be challenging or stressful.

Why these behaviours happen

Many autistic children use a set of behaviours to help them manage their emotions and make sense of their environment. Sometimes they're done for enjoyment.

Some things that can be linked to these behaviours include:

• being over- or under-sensitive to things like bright lights, noises, touch or pain
• anxiety, especially when routines suddenly change
• not being able to make sense of what's going on around them
• being unwell or in pain

These behaviours are not your or your child's fault.

Stimming

Stimming is a kind of repetitive behaviour.

Common stimming behaviours include:

• rocking, jumping, spinning, head-banging
• hand-flapping, finger-flicking, flicking rubber bands
• repeating words, phrases or sounds
• staring at lights or spinning objects

Stimming is usually harmless. It may look odd to others, but you should not try to stop it if it's not causing any harm to you or your child.

Meltdowns

Meltdowns are a complete loss of control caused by being totally overwhelmed.

If your child has a meltdown, the most important thing is to try to stay calm and keep them safe.

If you're worried your child might hurt themselves or others, try to hold them to keep them safe.

It's not always possible to prevent meltdowns, but there are some things you can do that may help at an early stage.

These include:

• letting your child wear headphones to listen to calming music
• turning down or removing bright lights
• distraction techniques, such as fiddle toys
• planning ahead for any change in routine, such as a different route to school

It may help to keep a diary for a few weeks to see if you can spot any meltdown triggers that you can do something about.

Speak to the autism care team or a GP if your child is:

• stimming all the time or having lots of meltdowns
• being bullied at school because of their behaviour
• aggressive, harming themselves or harming other people

If you're struggling to cope, your child may be referred for professional support.

Advice about school if your child is autistic

Help for families of autistic people

How autism can affect you and your family

Having an autistic child can put a lot of strain on you and your family.

You might need to spend a lot of time helping your child get the support they need. This can be very stressful and exhausting.

It may be hard to make time for the rest of your family and can affect your relationships with each other.

If you feel you need help, you can get support from lots of places.

Things that can help you and your family

Do

• ask friends and family if they can help with day-to-day things or just be there to talk to

• listen to other parents' stories – you can search online for blogs, videos and books

• ask your local council for a carer's assessment – you might be able to get extra support and financial benefits

Don’t

• do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself when you can – even just going for a walk on your own can help give you a break

Talking to your child about autism

It's your choice when you want to tell your child about their autism.

Some parents do it straight away, while others wait until their child's a bit older. There's no right or wrong time.

When you tell your child, it may help to:

• do it when they're feeling calm or relaxed
• talk to them in a place where they feel comfortable, with no distractions
• explain they do not have an illness, but they might need extra support to help them with some things
• explain they might find some things harder than other people, and some things easier
• bring them to a support group to meet other autistic children

Supporting your other children

Some children can find it hard if their brother or sister is autistic.

If you have other children, there are things you can do to help them.

Do

• make time for them whenever you can – try to do some activities with just them

• talk to them about what's going on and ask if they have any questions or worries

• let them have time on their own or with their friends – for example, sleepovers at friends' houses

Don’t

• do not be afraid to involve them in things like meetings with health professionals – it can help them understand what's going on

Changing from child to adult care if your child is autistic

What happens when your child turns 18

Where possible, your child will be asked to be more involved in the decisions about their care.

When your child turns 18:

• they may have to pay for some of the care they used to get for free from the council
• any support they need to help with their education will need to be provided by their college or university, if they go to one

If your child has an education, health and care plan (EHCP), this will usually continue until they're 25, unless they:

• do not need support anymore
• go to university
• get a job

What you can do to help your child

It's a good idea to start thinking about your child's future when they're around 14.

You could:

• speak to any doctors or care teams your child has about what happens when they turn 18
• apply for a needs assessment from your council – this may help your child get some free care and support when they're an adult
• apply for a carer's assessment if you care for your child – you may be able to get support and financial benefits
• ask colleges or universities what support they can give your child, if they're planning to go to one

Advice about medicines and medical appointments if you're autistic

Useful tips for medicines

If you or your child take medicines, these tips may help.

Do

• ask if there are other treatments that might help – medicine might not always be the only option

• ask about the possible side effects

• tell your doctor if you think the medicine is not working or is causing side effects – some medicines can work differently in autistic people

• ask for regular medicine reviews – a review is a check-up to see if the medicine you're taking is still right for you or your child and is not causing any problems

• read advice about problems swallowing pills if this is a problem for you or your child

Don’t

• do not stop taking any medicines without speaking to a doctor first – some medicines can cause serious side effects if you stop taking them suddenly

Useful tips for medical appointments

Do

• ask for an appointment at the start or end of the day – the waiting room may be less busy and you may have to wait for less time

• ask for a double appointment so you're not rushed

• arrange a visit before your appointment – knowing what to expect when you go for your appointment may help you or your child feel less anxious

• bring someone else with you on the day if it might help

• ask at reception if there's a quiet place you can wait – if not, ask if you can wait outside or in the car and if someone can call or get you when they're ready

Don’t

• do not worry about letting staff know how they can make things easier – you have the right to ask for simple changes to be made that may help

Treatments that are not recommended for autism

Autism is where your brain develops differently to non-autistic people. It is not an illness and there is no cure.

If you're autistic, a GP or local autism team may suggest approaches that can help you to:

• develop daily living skills
• develop communication skills
• manage other physical or mental health conditions, such as pain or anxiety
• manage harmful behaviours

But there are also treatments and approaches that are not recommended because either:

• they're fake
• there's evidence that they're harmful
• the research and evidence show no benefit to autistic people – or there's no good research into them

Treatments for autism that are fake or can be harmful

Some products or services, claiming to be cures or treatments for autism, are fake or can be harmful.

Examples of these include:

• GcMAF – an unlicensed injection made from blood cells
• bleaching – also called chlorine dioxide (CD) or Mineral Miracle Solution (MMS)
• CEASE, which discourages vaccinations and recommends potentially dangerous levels of nutritional supplements
• chelation – removing heavy metal toxins from the blood
• secretin – a hormone found in the body
• some vitamins, minerals and dietary supplements
• raw camel's milk

Do not use any of these to treat autism.

How to spot fake treatments

There are some warning signs that may suggest a treatment is fake:

• it claims to "cure" or help people "recover from" autism
• it claims to cure lots of different conditions
• it claims to work in most people and have quick results
• personal stories are used to claim it works, rather than medical evidence
• words like "miracle", "faith" and "trust" are used
• it can be done by anyone without any training or qualifications
• it costs a lot of money

How to report fake treatments

You can help stop people selling dangerous treatments by reporting anything you think might be fake.

Other treatments that are not recommended

The National Institute of Health and Care Excellence (NICE) will only recommend something if there is good evidence that it benefits autistic people.

Research into the following approaches has not shown any benefit for autistic people and they are not recommended:

• hyperbaric oxygen therapy – treatment with oxygen in a pressurised chamber
• neurofeedback for speech and language problems – trying to change brain activity
• auditory integration training for speech and language problems – therapy using music
• omega-3 fatty acids – for sleep problems
• exclusion diets – such as gluten-free or casein-free diets and ketogenic diets
• oxytocin – a hormone

If you're considering a treatment that is not recommended by NICE, speak to a GP or local autism team to discuss the risks.